Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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