I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
