Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
