god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
