Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've blown a few things in my day
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You've changed since you got that strap on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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