I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
