Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
