Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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