Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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