Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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