so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My hand turned me down
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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