If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Success! We fucked roommates!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
