sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize