my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
