Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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