chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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