youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
