Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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