There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
