My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize