he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
