I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
