So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
