i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
