apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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