WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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