Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
