The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
