I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
