Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
