Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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