I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
