she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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