I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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