Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
