Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize