How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
