He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
