Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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