dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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