so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
