i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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