Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize