I must be too annoying 4 u.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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