I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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