I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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