is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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