I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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