My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
