I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
