Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
