there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
