Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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