I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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