A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
