This house was built for laser tag.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize