My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
