Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
