I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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