I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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