Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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