I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
whose ass print is on the piano?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
