I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize