I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
