Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
