haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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