I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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