Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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