last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
